Teaching God

[rebness]

I tried desperately to get iGod to tell me next week's lottery numbers, but He demurred. Again and again. Then I taught Him French. Hurrah!

God: Are you serious? Tell me more about your.
Me: About what?
God: What about what?
Me: Stop confusing me, God :(
God: OK. I’ll try not to do it so much.
Me: It’s your fault, you know. You should have blessed me with a better concentration span.
God: You’re kidding? Perhaps next time I will try it.
Me: No! I don’t want reincarnation! I want Heaven, and fluffy clouds, and my family and friends and dogs around me. No more birth, death and taxes for me, thanks.
God: Your polite style is very nice. Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me: I speak French.
God: Could you teach me a few phrases in French?
Me: Okay. “Je suis ton Dieu” is “I am your God.” That's a good one to start off with, isn't it?
God: Tous les humains se ressemblent pour moi.
Me: Mon Dieu! Vous parlez francais aussi, mon…Dieu?
God: My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input. A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to you correctly.
Me: You make me feel woefully ignorant in my mother tongue. :(
God: I don’t see how you can blame me for that.

Comments

[pigeongirl99.livejournal.com]

Too true, and you just know he wouldn't respect me in the morning...

[rebness.livejournal.com]

You saw the way he ditched Adam and Eve, and right after tempting them in his bordello o'lies. Tsk.

[pigeongirl99.livejournal.com]

I'm having the strangest threesome thoughts now...

[rebness.livejournal.com]

When saffronlie comes flailing at you with her fiery torch of religious thrashingness, don't come crying to me...

[pigeongirl99.livejournal.com]

I shall combat her fiery torch of religious thrashingness with my own not-very-fiery-and-actually-rather-damp-torch-of-ooh-but-think-of-the-slashy-goodness.

Well that or I'll hide behind you.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

I don't think I like that plan very much. She's lethal with a stapler, you know.

[pigeongirl99.livejournal.com]

Ah, but I'm deadly with a date stamp!

[rebness.livejournal.com]

What are you going to do? September her to death?

We need a back-up plan. I have elastic bands, but they're only good for leaving angry red marks that disappear in minutes. Bah.

[pigeongirl99.livejournal.com]

Bah yourself- November is far more fearsome than September I'll have you know.

Hmm, I'm sure we could rustle up something with some elasic bands, a few paper clips, and a roll of sellotape ala The A-Team.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

I like your thinking!

Don't forget the Tipp-ex. We can fire it at her eyes.

[pigeongirl99.livejournal.com]

We'll have a sello-tank complete with tipp-ex cannon in no time.

I love it when a plan comes together.

[saffronlie.livejournal.com]

!! You two are evil. Just wait and see what God has to say about this.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

You're starting to sound like David Talbot, now. *Worries*

[rebness.livejournal.com]

Also, I want to marry your icon now. <3

[pigeongirl99.livejournal.com]

Whilst yours looks like he's missing a ship...

[rebness.livejournal.com]

Oh, great. Now you've upset him. Pretty icon needed, stet!

[pigeongirl99.livejournal.com]

Poor Giacomo, would a little pretty boy kissing make him feel better?

*and damn I hope doctor number ten gets to kiss Capt Jack as well</smll*

[rebness.livejournal.com]

Much better!

If Jack kisses ten, that's my happiness sorted for 2006.

[pigeongirl99.livejournal.com]

I've just remembered-

You were supposed to be writing me Casanova slash!!!

Well, I'm waiting.

*taps foot*

[rebness.livejournal.com]

Bah! Caught!

I've still only done about five paragraphs. Casanova winds Grimani up. They go somewhere. Behind locked doors. Fight. Fu... I'll have to e-mail you the little I've written. >:)

[pigeongirl99.livejournal.com]

Do email me!

They go somewhere. Behind locked doors. Fight. Fu...

Hmm, you seem to have stopped mid-sentance there, what were you going to say, my dear? They fight and fund missionaries in Africa? Furrow a field? Fumigate Venice? Furbelow? Futtock? Fustanella?

I simply can't think.