rebness: (Ange)
rebness ([personal profile] rebness) wrote2005-09-25 12:02 am
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Teaching God


I tried desperately to get iGod to tell me next week's lottery numbers, but He demurred. Again and again. Then I taught Him French. Hurrah!

God: Are you serious? Tell me more about your.
Me: About what?
God: What about what?
Me: Stop confusing me, God :(
God: OK. I’ll try not to do it so much.
Me: It’s your fault, you know. You should have blessed me with a better concentration span.
God: You’re kidding? Perhaps next time I will try it.
Me: No! I don’t want reincarnation! I want Heaven, and fluffy clouds, and my family and friends and dogs around me. No more birth, death and taxes for me, thanks.
God: Your polite style is very nice. Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me: I speak French.
God: Could you teach me a few phrases in French?
Me: Okay. “Je suis ton Dieu” is “I am your God.” That's a good one to start off with, isn't it?
God: Tous les humains se ressemblent pour moi.
Me: Mon Dieu! Vous parlez francais aussi, mon…Dieu?
God: My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input. A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to you correctly.
Me: You make me feel woefully ignorant in my mother tongue. :(
God: I don’t see how you can blame me for that.

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[identity profile] pigeongirl99.livejournal.com 2005-09-25 12:31 am (UTC)(link)
I shall combat her fiery torch of religious thrashingness with my own not-very-fiery-and-actually-rather-damp-torch-of-ooh-but-think-of-the-slashy-goodness.

Well that or I'll hide behind you.

[identity profile] rebness.livejournal.com 2005-09-25 12:38 am (UTC)(link)
I don't think I like that plan very much. She's lethal with a stapler, you know.

[identity profile] pigeongirl99.livejournal.com 2005-09-25 12:40 am (UTC)(link)
Ah, but I'm deadly with a date stamp!

[identity profile] rebness.livejournal.com 2005-09-25 12:43 am (UTC)(link)
What are you going to do? September her to death?

We need a back-up plan. I have elastic bands, but they're only good for leaving angry red marks that disappear in minutes. Bah.

[identity profile] pigeongirl99.livejournal.com 2005-09-25 12:51 am (UTC)(link)
Bah yourself- November is far more fearsome than September I'll have you know.

Hmm, I'm sure we could rustle up something with some elasic bands, a few paper clips, and a roll of sellotape ala The A-Team.

[identity profile] rebness.livejournal.com 2005-09-25 12:57 am (UTC)(link)
I like your thinking!

Don't forget the Tipp-ex. We can fire it at her eyes.

[identity profile] pigeongirl99.livejournal.com 2005-09-25 01:04 am (UTC)(link)
We'll have a sello-tank complete with tipp-ex cannon in no time.

I love it when a plan comes together.

[identity profile] saffronlie.livejournal.com 2005-09-25 01:04 pm (UTC)(link)
!! You two are evil. Just wait and see what God has to say about this.

[identity profile] rebness.livejournal.com 2005-09-25 01:14 pm (UTC)(link)
You're starting to sound like David Talbot, now. *Worries*
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