This in the World the Simpleton is Many

Well, last night I watched The Worst Film of the Year, which is a shame, as I had already marked “Baise-Moi” for that dubious award.

Any fleeting guilt I may have felt over accepting a pirated copy of The League of Extraordinary Gentleman from my friend quickly faded as I thanked the stars that I won’t be fleeced when the stupid film opens in Britain this week. I’m not sure what you may have thought of the premise, but I rather liked it. I thought the comic book was a clever idea, and though American friends had warned me of its wretchedness, the literature geek in me wanted to see.

I forgave the inherent stupidities of the beginning, and the many, many, many lapses in narrative, and the confusing editing, and the liberties taken with some of literature’s finest characters, but I can’t forgive the movie for being so fucking *stupid*. I think the frankly bizarre subtitles that had been translated from Chinese made a hell of a lot more sense than the dumb-arse script.

God, I could go on and on about how insultingly bad it was, and how stupid, and rant about the inconsistencies, but I have only got a few hours online today.

Chief gripe: Dorian Grey was smart, well-dressed, and had a posh English accent. He liked giving flashy smiles. He also shared a love-interest in Mina Harker with the good-looking American guy.

You just *knew* he was the evil one.

God, it IS possible to make a movie set in Britain, or with British characters in the main, and *not* resort to insulting clichés. If Pirates of the Caribbean, which everybody expected to bomb, can do it, then so can festering heaps of crap like LXG. I just can’t understand how one can take some of the richest characters and situations from literature and make such a stupid, soulless movie.

A good hour in, I gave up and switched the crazy subtitles back on.

“What is it?” gasped Sawyer, as Dorian fired up the submarine (don’t ask).
“The sound…of treachery!” cried Nemo.

[Click: Subtitles On]

“I know your meeting of?” gasped Sawyer in the subtitles.
“I dislike like this!” cried Nemo.

Well, it was an improvement on the real script. >_