(Sort-of) Tongue-in-Cheek Observations...

When I am in work, only one feeling can truly satisfy me: schadenfreude. I like to read up on that terrible, terrible Sidari place in Corfu and its scumminess, because it makes me feel better to know that my friend and I weren’t the only ones enraged at having paid to spend two weeks in Hellenic Hell.

I’ve long run out of those sites, though, so I Googled trips to Europe. There were lots of great sites, pretty pictures and reviews of European travel. Today, however, I hit the jackpot. An American site where people could rave (but most often, rant) about their experiences travelling throughout Europe. Gold!

Best of the lot had to be the “Known Scams in Europe” messageboard. I started reading to keep myself informed of tourist scams, but the more I read… the more I was amazed that these people managed to bring anything home at all. The stupidest person on the street could fleece these people. For example: -

One traveller said he paid a French guy hanging about by the ticket machines on the metro 77 Euros for a superwowmagic ticket that would make somehow make all the Paris metro and RER ticket machines admit him unlimited times during his stay. Amazingly, it didn't. French guy made off and the author's lament was "I dunt speak French! Why didn’t they speak English?!" Okay, okay. You can't expect to pick up the language in a couple of weeks... but for the love of God, we use the same bloody symbols for our numbers. You would think the "1" on the ticket would have given him a clue. And, for what it’s worth, all machines at the metro station have a little green button that switches the text into English for the traveller.

*headdesk*

The absolute clincher, though, was the sheer number of otherwise well-functioning adults who fell for the Python-esque ruse of “The Wallet Inspector.”

Yes, you guessed it. A shady person, in civilian clothing but with a joke police badge (this usually happens in Prague, Barcelona or London) comes up to our unsuspecting tourist and demands to see if their “papers are in order,” in an excellent throwback to the 1940s. As the tourist whimpers that they don’t have papers, they demand to inspect their wallet and/or passport. In all but one of the cases I read, the tourist handed their wallet over to be inspected. You… well, you can guess the rest.

I then contented myself with reading through a brilliant forum where they run down what is, in their experience, the worst country for fleecing tourists and anti-Dubya sentiment. I started off feeling very sorry for those people whose holidays were ruined by the mean-spirited pick-pocketing and scams, but by the twentieth “We saved their asses/they’re just jealous” comment from extremist nutters, I found myself relishing each tale where a horrid person got their comeuppance. Brits were best--

(“Aha Italy! Our money-with-menaces strategy beats your push-the-person-and-snatch-his-wallet ruse every time!”)

-- Direct and to-the-point, the French were the most inventive, but, ultimately, Italy won. The sheer number of scams and the inventive ways old favourites were pulled off put them way ahead of the crowd.

I have learned a few things from that site:

1. When in Roma, kick the children up the arse if they try to cling to you because OMG they’re up to no good. If you don’t do it, the policemen will.
2. Guys selling you leather coats in London, Paris and Barcelona are, surprisingly, selling you fake leather
3. Yurpeans are evil
4. And proud of it

Damn. The only thing is, I’ve read through most of that site, now. I need more schadenfreude for tomorrow.