Another day, another doll... pound

Dear crazy patient,

No, your rectal bleeding was not caused by drinking tap water. It is, if you would allow me to venture my humble opinion, your recent diagnosis of haemorrhoids. No, THE WATER DID NOT CAUSE THE HAEMORRHOIDS. Get off the phone. Off. No, water's not bloody abrasive! No, I won't call the consultant to ask him if he'll recommend you get a grant for bottled water.

No love,

Becky

And that, folks, is how I spent the last half an hour of my day. I thought I wasn't working in Mental Health at the moment.