(no subject)

[rebness]

Oh, my. The spring ennui is kicking in. Chris wants to go and work in Japan, and asks if I’ll go. YES CHRIS BUT YOU SPEAK JAPANESE AND I DON’T. Spakker.

Anyway, my brother has recently landed an office job and he is absolutely amazed that I was able to tell him before he started exactly what it would be like. He tells me about the secretaries who hate their bosses, the office geek, the office wench, the office troll. Which gets me thinking. Why is every single office a sitcom cliché?

Office checklist:


1. There will always, always be a picture of a kitten clinging to a branch with the legend “hang in there” or babies dressed up as flowers or animals or some such trite stuff.

2. In the kitchen, there will always be a notice reminding people that if they don’t wash up after themselves, they can damned well stop using the kitchen.

3. There is always a woman who reckons that without her, all the managers would collapse in a heap of ineptness (actually, quite often true.)

4. Every Friday, everyone orders from the local sandwich bar.

5. Morning tea is a stand-off; who will collapse first? (I did, today.)

6 On the noticeboard will be jokey e-mail spam printed out, such as jokes about how the secretaries are more important that the managers, or something along the lines of "you don't have to be mad to work here, but..." or the ubiquitous pictures of George Clooney and Brad Pitt in Ocean's Eleven.

7. Someone with less work than you will always moan about their terrible workload.

8. Chocolates are an office ritual, but the secretaries will usually hide them for themselves. >:)

Any other suggestions, fellow wage-slaves?

Comments

[runcible.livejournal.com]

::Figures she'll kill herself before she works a desk job::

I may fall on hard times, but I AM AN ARTEEST. We do not do desk jobs unless they decidedly involve our arteesticness.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

Oh, Meghan. I was once like you and thought I'd burn a desk before I'd sit at it and write other people's words. And then one day, I wanted to buy a CD and had to debase myself. WOE.

Am an intellectual whore. :(

(Do what I do! Write your novel at work and so get paid to write your literary brilliance! Muhahahaha.)

[saffronlie.livejournal.com]

So, so true!

5., vis-a-vis morning tea. I would always wait until someone else went first because, being the youngest and newest, I didn't want to take morning tea at the wrong time or anything. But I always seemed to come in last and then everyone would finish and I'd be going, "I've still got ten minutes of my twenty left!" but I couldn't look like the slacker sitting alone and trying to put off going back to work.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

'Tis such a precarious thing, Anna. Office newbies get shot down when they're too presumptuous, but they'll also be talked about if they don't go with the flow, man.

[saffronlie.livejournal.com]

But everyone loves me there because I rule, so it's okay. I show inee-shah-tiv, and stuff. Mwahahahaha.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

I bet that slacker one has a voodoo doll of you, Inish-a-teeev Queen.

[jaffacakequeen.livejournal.com]

Office list cont...

your best office buddy smiles and bitches to make you laugh and then bitches about you to someone else for the same reason. All because of boredom.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

YES! God, you should see my office. Nobody bitches like NHS workers. ;)

Also, if you have a male colleague, you'll flirt with him even if you don't fancy him, for the same reasons.

[wiebke.livejournal.com]

9. There is always someone (often the boss or a supervisor) who does no work, always going off to conferences, being sick, or just not being around.

10. There is always someone whose entire job consists of meetings, which is confusing since you can't figure out what they can be meeting about since they don't do anything but go to meetings.

11. Somebody will overcook the microwave popcorn, making the entire office nauseous.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

Number 10 is so true, it's ridiculous. One of the business managers spends nearly every single day in meetings. I wonder how on earth she gets anything done!

[wiebke.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and I think they must hate their jobs too, because there aren't any tangible results, are there?

[lightningspark.livejournal.com]

ever see 'office space?'

a- my boss can never find his stapler.
b- our cubicles look JUST like that.
c- our printer constantly says 'paper jam' when there is no paper jam.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, I haven't seen it. I bet I'd love it, too. ;)

LMAO! Our printer always tells us we have a paper jam. And you're going mad, virtually taking it apart-- no paper caught. Keeel!

[chains-of-irony.livejournal.com]

Boo! Finally friended you back, sorry! ^_^

[rebness.livejournal.com]

Heehee! Good stuff-- and welcome! ;)

[verastar99.livejournal.com]

hmmm....


Office snacks and office birthdays. It doesnt matter if it is hamburgers at 8am...the vultures shall descend upon the breakroom table, ravenous for whatever is there.

then they giggle, as the wipe the ketchup from the corner of their greasy mouths, "but it would have been rude if i didnt have any of it!"

[zhonghua2000.livejournal.com]

Whenever people are moved around in the office which is quite regularly in my parts, 2 days are required as well as intense arguments over who get the window seat. Window seats are apparently a status symbol of some sort.

Also "writing off" time from required production standards. If someone is assigned a job other than their regular work the first question is: "Can I write that off?"

Finally, the office grapevine knows things BEFORE they happen! >:-/

[avariecaita.livejournal.com]

For a while I was missing my regular paying job. After reading this entry - not so much! And it's been like six months, so I've nothing brilliant or even true to add. Woe is me. Etc, etc, et al.