rebness

I was on the train last night when some middle-aged white guy in a suit sat behind me and decided to shatter the peace with some tinny rap from his phone, trying to look badass as he read the Metro. That's okay, for it was Eminem and Rihanna. I can handle that. I'm cool, I'm dynamic and young. I can cope with--

And then Love the Way You Lie came on. And I enjoyed it until one part which always, always requires me to cover my ears or spend the next few seconds wincing with secondhand embarrassment.

The Window Pane Lyric.

So in honour of that unfortunate line in an otherwise great song, here are my personal top ten Worst Lyrics Ever, compiled with the help of my hunny

marvystoop. Share yours, bbs!

1. Love the Way you Lie - Eminem feat. Rihanna
Now you get to watch her leave out the window/I guess that's why they call it window pane

Because people usually leave their lovers through windows? Let's just check the etymology here:

pane
mid-13c., "garment, part of a garment," later "side of a building, section of a wall," from O.Fr. pan "piece, panel" (11c.), from L. pannum (nom. pannus) "piece of cloth, garment," probably cognate with Goth. fana "piece of cloth," Gk. penos "web." Sense of "window glass" first attested mid-15c.

Guess it's not, Eminem.

The worst thing is that I really love this song and I actually really like some of Eminem's lyrics. This is just stupid. It's not a clever play on words and it's like Eminem knows it. Note how his voice lowers when he says it.

2. In the Summertime - Mungo Jerry
If her daddy's rich/take her out for a meal/if her daddy's poor/just do what you feel

Okay, so it's not a stupid lyric per se but it has always pissed me off majorly. My mum, who grew up very, very poor confessed to me that she always hated this song when she was younger because she felt that she was worthless. So fuck you for making my mum sad, Mungo Jerry!

~

3. Champagne Supernova - Oasis
Slowly walking down the hall/faster than a cannonball

Yes, yes, I hear you cry, but maybe it's just a metaphor or some clever reference. Yeah, except where Noel Gallagher was interviewed about its meaning. He shrugged and said, 'I dunno. It's just a lyric, man.'

You wrote the song, Noel.

~

4. MacArthur Park - Donna Summer
MacArthur Park is melting in the dark/ All the sweet green icing flowing down/ Someone left the cake out in the rain/ I don't think that I can take it/ Cos it took so long to bake it/ And I'll never have that recipe again

If it took you so long to bake it, you should remember the ingredients. Also, your metaphor is laboured.

~

5. Yellow Submarine - The Beatles
And our friends are all aboard/Many more of them live next door

If all your friends are aboard, who are these people next door? And what's next door to a submarine, anyway?

~

6. Chelsea Dagger - The Fratellis
Chelsea, Chelsea, I believe that when you're dancing /slowly sucking your sleeve

marvystoop: 'Maybe I've led a sheltered existence and this is some kind of allusion to some sort of frolicking behaviour but I can say that when dancing, no matter how drunk, I've never partaken in "sucking my sleeve".'

~

7. I Love New York - Madonna
I don't like cities/but I like New York/other places/make me feel like a dork

Perhaps if you stop flailing and trying to emulate foreign accents, or ordering half a pint in a pub and thinking you're badass for it, you'll get more respect.

Also, if any place is going to make me feel like a dork, it's New York. ~too cool for me~

~
8. Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
You and me could write a bad romance

*bites fist* I love this song but that line drives me up the wall. What's wrong with saying 'I', Gaga? Not cool enough?

~

9. Africa - Toto
The wild dogs cry out in the night/as they grow restless/longing for some solitary company

Again, a song I love but which is better not to think too hard on.

~

10. Firework - Katy Perry
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag / Drifting through the wind / Wanting to start again?

marvystoop : I've never known plastic bags to be so deep that they wanted everything to start again. Do plastic bags have relationships with other plastic bags? Maybe this plastic bag had a Montague and Capulets 'ship with one of those re-usable bags you can buy now? Who knows.

~

Honourable mention

mothergoddamn asked me to include this lyric from Your Song 'for wasting our time':

If I was a sculptor/but then again, no

However, it didn't make the cut... because I like it. I like him pondering and that it makes me do the groundwork and imagine what the rest of the sentence was meant to be. I guess this means that I should be forgiving, because some people might find profound meaning in a slow-moving cannonball.

But some people are stupid.