We've agreed that all of U2's Vertigo would make this list

[rebness]

I was on the train last night when some middle-aged white guy in a suit sat behind me and decided to shatter the peace with some tinny rap from his phone, trying to look badass as he read the Metro. That's okay, for it was Eminem and Rihanna. I can handle that. I'm cool, I'm dynamic and young. I can cope with-- 

And then Love the Way You Lie came on. And I enjoyed it until one part which always, always requires me to cover my ears or spend the next few seconds wincing with secondhand embarrassment. 

The Window Pane Lyric. 

So in honour of that unfortunate line in an otherwise great song, here are my personal top ten Worst Lyrics Ever, compiled with the help of my hunny marvystoop. Share yours, bbs! 

1. Love the Way you Lie - Eminem feat. Rihanna
Now you get to watch her leave out the window/I guess that's why they call it window pane

Because people usually leave their lovers through windows? Let's just check the etymology here:

pane
mid-13c., "garment, part of a garment," later "side of a building, section of a wall," from O.Fr. pan "piece, panel" (11c.), from L. pannum (nom. pannus) "piece of cloth, garment," probably cognate with Goth. fana "piece of cloth," Gk. penos "web." Sense of "window glass" first attested mid-15c.

Guess it's not, Eminem.

The worst thing is that I really love this song and I actually really like some of Eminem's lyrics. This is just stupid. It's not a clever play on words and it's like Eminem knows it. Note how his voice lowers when he says it.



2. In the Summertime - Mungo Jerry
If her daddy's rich/take her out for a meal/if her daddy's poor/just do what you feel

Okay, so it's not a stupid lyric per se but it has always pissed me off majorly. My mum, who grew up very, very poor confessed to me that she always hated this song when she was younger because she felt that she was worthless. So fuck you for making my mum sad, Mungo Jerry!

~


3. Champagne Supernova - Oasis
Slowly walking down the hall/faster than a cannonball

Yes, yes, I hear you cry, but maybe it's just a metaphor or some clever reference. Yeah, except where Noel Gallagher was interviewed about its meaning. He shrugged and said, 'I dunno. It's just a lyric, man.'

You wrote the song, Noel.

~


4. MacArthur Park - Donna Summer
MacArthur Park is melting in the dark/ All the sweet green icing flowing down/ Someone left the cake out in the rain/ I don't think that I can take it/ Cos it took so long to bake it/ And I'll never have that recipe again

If it took you so long to bake it, you should remember the ingredients. Also, your metaphor is laboured.

~


5. Yellow Submarine - The Beatles
And our friends are all aboard/Many more of them live next door

If all your friends are aboard, who are these people next door? And what's next door to a submarine, anyway?

~

6. Chelsea Dagger - The Fratellis
Chelsea, Chelsea, I believe that when you're dancing /slowly sucking your sleeve

marvystoop: 'Maybe I've led a sheltered existence and this is some kind of allusion to some sort of frolicking behaviour but I can say that when dancing, no matter how drunk, I've never partaken in "sucking my sleeve".'

~

7. I Love New York - Madonna 
I don't like cities/but I like New York/other places/make me feel like a dork

Perhaps if you stop flailing and trying to emulate foreign accents, or ordering half a pint in a pub and thinking you're badass for it, you'll get more respect. 

Also, if any place is going to make me feel like a dork, it's New York. ~too cool for me~ 


~
8. Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
You and me could write a bad romance

*bites fist* I love this song but that line drives me up the wall. What's wrong with saying 'I', Gaga? Not cool enough?

~

9. Africa - Toto 
The wild dogs cry out in the night/as they grow restless/longing for some solitary company

Again, a song I love but which is better not to think too hard on. 

~

10. Firework - Katy Perry 
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag / Drifting through the wind / Wanting to start again? 

marvystoop : I've never known plastic bags to be so deep that they wanted everything to start again. Do plastic bags have relationships with other plastic bags? Maybe this plastic bag had a Montague and Capulets 'ship with one of those re-usable bags you can buy now? Who knows.

~
 

Honourable mention

mothergoddamn  asked me to include this lyric from  Your Song 'for wasting our time':

If I was a sculptor/but then again, no

However, it didn't make the cut... because I like it. I like him pondering and that it makes me do the groundwork and imagine what the rest of the sentence was meant to be. I guess this means that I should be forgiving, because some people might find profound meaning in a slow-moving cannonball.

But some people are stupid.

Comments

[kissxbangxbangx.livejournal.com]

My least favourites:

Life by Des'ree. The worst lyrics in this song:

I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast

Later on, she sings:

I'll take you up on a dare,
Anytime, anywhere
Name the place, I'll be there

Yes, as long as it doesn't involve walking in a park in the dark, potentially seeing a ghost, walking under a ladder or putting an umbrella up indoors...

And Save the Best for Last by Vanessa Williams. I actually like the song, but this line:

Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon

No, it doesn't!

[rebness.livejournal.com]

Agh, yes! Life! I'll be there as long as there aren't any ghosts! ~wooo~

Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon

No, it doesn't!

Bahahaha :D

[ashling-c.livejournal.com]

Despite oddly loving the song Beautiful Heartache by Oksana Grigorieva I can't help but hate the line
I love the way you wear your skin
Is that supposed to be sexy, or romantic? Just sounds like he is Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

That is a pretty creepy lyric. I'm imagining Texas Chainsaw Massacre and someone trying on different flayed skins! D:

New lyric

[stovetop00.livejournal.com]

I love the way you wear your skin/ You must use a lot of lotion.

[pandorasblog]

YES! That Mungo Jerry lyric always bugs me too!

[rebness.livejournal.com]

I don't know why when so very, very many lyrics are misogynistic, that this annoys me the most. But it truly does. >:|

[ashling-c.livejournal.com]

the worst I ever heard was a song - I can't remember its name - but in the lyrics it's telling the wife not to answer the door to her husband when he comes home from work in rollers in her hair. That she should do herself up for him because he has been working with pretty women all day long. Actually it has to be heard to believe...lets see if I can find it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx4GI6XazJY

Damn you, Burt Bacharach!

[gairid.livejournal.com]

I third that! Ugh.

[theroseandsword.livejournal.com]

Oh. Oh.

I have the winner -

Taylor Swift, Love Story:
Firstly:
"You were Romeo, I was a Scarlet Letter."

Taylor Swift have you ever read a book in your life? Namely, The Scarlet Letter? I think I'd like T.Swift a lot more if she was more like Hester Prynne.

That and:
"And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes"

I TALKED TO YOUR DAD, AND HE WAS COOL, NO MORE BLOOD FEUD, also go pick out a white dress, Juliet, because white wedding dresses were TOTALLY in fashion before the Victorian period. Not. God damn it Taylor Swift Romeo and Juliet is about the stupidity of young love and the futility of all that youthful ass crazy passion, changing the ending to fit your stupid song doesn't make it better. Ahem.

Oh, and for my husband, because it makes him scream:
'Jesus Walks' by Kanye West:
"The way Kathie Lee needed Regis, that's how I need Jesus."

Not to mention that Kathie Lee left the show, and they are now replacing Regis, so like, I guess Yeezy and Christ aren't cool anymore, or something.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

...I think you may have just won this entire post. Mix of literary sources? Check. Stupid rewriting of literature to suit your crappy song? Check. Taylor bloody Swift? Ding!

So embarrassed for Kanye and his lyric.

[stovetop00.livejournal.com]

"The way Kathie Lee needed Regis, that's how I need Jesus."

Seriously? Wow.

[mcgarrygirl78.livejournal.com]

There are probably too many bad lyrics for me to count, and this is even in songs I love love love.

But this cracked me up. And I stand in support for the Elton John line, I like him pondering too : )

[rebness.livejournal.com]

It's fun to pick them apart, but then it makes you take notice each time you listen! Haha.

Yay! We need more Elton love in here. *ahem*

[mothergoddamn.livejournal.com]

[info]mothergoddamn asked me to include this lyric from Your Song 'for wasting our time':


God. I love me.

IT'S A LAZY LYRIC! "Ah, fuck it. Nothing rhymes with sculpter."

[stovetop00.livejournal.com]

Heliculpter.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

A+

[gairid.livejournal.com]

My Bad Lyric hate goes to Steve Miller's Take The Money And Run"

Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas
You know he knows just exactly what the facts is
He ain't gonna let those two escape justice
He makes his livin' off of the people's taxes

That 'what the facts is' make me grind my teeth!

Just an aside, the watching someone go through the window is something I'd expect an American to say--it doesn't sound right when you think about it too long, but it's sort of common to put it like that, meaning of course, he is watching from the window as she leaves.

Another song lyric I hate is that song where whoever the hell the singer is sings: We're dancing like we're dumb, dumb, dumb, our bodies going numb, numb, numb.

Seriously? That's just fucking horrendous. The entire song is and I would never even have heard it if I hadn't been carpooling for a while with someone who listens to that pop crap exclusively.

Just for the record, I love the song 'Africa', but yeah...don't pay too much attention to the lyrics or the emphasis in order to make the rhyme ("The Ser-ren---gheti") TI have it on my MP3, though!

[rebness.livejournal.com]

'That's what the facts is' - I LOL'd. :D

Oh, I'm not bothered about watching through the window - that's perfectly acceptable. It's the terrible, terrible pun on pane/pain that makes me want to weep bitter tears.

The dumb/numb lyric is TERRIBLE.

[gairid.livejournal.com]

I will allow the wince on the awful pun. *nods* Otherwise, though, I like that song.

[seraphimnation.livejournal.com]

If her daddy's rich/take her out for a meal/if her daddy's poor/just do what you feel

WOW. I find this horribly offensive too.

[miyo-chan.livejournal.com]

You're hilarious.

This post coupled with mothergoddamns has filled me with much amusement for the weekend. I HATE THAT EMINEM LYRIC! and you're right, he totally does drop his voice, like when you're yelling something at someone and then all of a sudden you realise you sound like a dick and you trail off mumbling and rubbing the back of your neck and smiling a little because youre so embarrassed.

Em, you totally did that.

Another song I hate for the same reason as Bad Romance (thought I love that song) is "The Way I Are" By timbaland.

I could throttle him.

OH! And Slowdance on the Inside by Taking Back Sunday 'So careless, I could care less.'
No. You don't make sense. Couldn't care less you dumb child!

Throw in If I Were A Boy by Beyonce and you've got the beginnings of my list.

Also, Your Song. No. that line is awful. Elton is an awful lyric writer... his music carries it luckily. and I think he partnered up with someone too... or something like that.
I'm rambling.

HEY! I ADDED YOU! :D this is all.

[webofevil.livejournal.com]

Noel Gallagher's strict policy of "rhyming trumps sense" has led to many lazy weirdnesses, including the excellent:

All your dreams are made / of strawberry lemonade

It's almost as if he wasn't trying.


Also, may I nominate another honourable mention?

I Just Shot John Lennon - The Cranberries

It was the fearful night of December 8th / He was returning home from the studio late / He had perceptively known that it wouldn't be nice / Because in 1980, he paid the price

With a Smith & Wesson .38 / John Lennon's life was no longer a debate

... and so on.


And while I'm here, though this scarcely counts as a "popular song", it's nonetheless notorious for its amazing lyrics so I'm bringing it up as well: Ireland's kamikaze entry for 2007 Eurovision.

They Can't Stop The Spring - Dervish

The curtain has been raised, the wall no longer stands / And from Lisadell to Latvia, we’re singing as one clan
The curtain has been raised, and Europe’s all one stage / And the archipelagic icicles have melted like the cage

They might scare the blackbird / But they cannot stop him sing
They may steal the honey / But they’ll never steal the sting
They may crush the flowers / Trample every living thing
But they can’t stop the spring