Day From Hell

[rebness]

I think I just had the most traumatic day of my life.

I don’t like not working. It’s fun for the first couple of days, but after that, one sinks into a grey Trainspotting mire of estate apathy. With this in mind, and the fact that the NHS will take forever and a day to sort out my induction, I decided to…*drum roll* temp for the next couple of weeks. I was offered an administrative post at the main city hospital (the one in which I have the job is in the suburbs) for a modest wage, but hey… it’s work, right?

Unfortunately, my leafy Glade of the Wolves village is hideously hard to get to Liverpool from. Well, before 8am, anyway. So, my body kept it real and refused to let me sleep all night. I forced myself out of bed at 6am to bathe and then shuffled to the bus stop at 7am. Bus turned up at 7.48am. Attempted to do Su-Doku, and ruined it because brain was half-dead. Got off at Page Moss, waited a further twenty minutes and got bus to hospital.

Hospital is the biggest, ugliest excuse for a 1960s building you have ever seen. Ever. Birmingham’s Spaghetti Junction is Paris compared to it. And, of course, I’m working in the Gastroenterology Department. I realise I haven’t had breakfast, so nip to the Spar. End up having fecking Quavers crisps for breakfast.

There are two things in this world I hate more than spiders. One is lifts, the other is the word “bowels.” It’s the ultimate in disgusting onomatopoeia! I hear that word, and all I can think of is faeces sloshing around in someone’s gut.

Of course, my day revolves around bowels. I have to contact patients about bowel movements and rectal biopsies and loose motions. I am literally In the Shit. On top of this, the IT department are fecktards and won’t give me a password until they know everything about me, ever. So I have to sit there reading through fecking bowel correspondence because teh internets are forbidden and my Su-Doku book is tantalisingly out of reach. I busy myself making lists. All the places I’ve travelled to. The amount of money, less tax, I can expect at the end of the week. My top baby names. The words I hate. Bowels tops the list.

Lunchtime finally comes around, and I’m told that the city centre is not too far away. It’s walkable. Shyeah, right. But first there are the Lifts. I DUNT LIKE LIFTS. They’re metal coffins of D00m plunging the hapless passenger to their…er…doom. But there are people in the lift, so I don’t do my usual cowardly thing and take the stairs—I get in.

And the lift breaks. It doesn’t go to the first floor. It goes to ground. And then lower ground. And the doors won’t open. OMFG we’re all going to die! I can’t take it—my heart is being crushed by angry weasels. The girl in the lift screams, the other alerts the bored operator who tells her that the lifts “always fucking do this.” The lift starts to rise. Oh no, oh no, oh no, I’m going to die like Emilio Estevez in Mission Impossible! I’m going to diiiiiiiiiiiiie!

My companions gasp and I realise I’ve said this aloud. Of course, we get out, because my ghost sure as hell can’t work my computer. I stumble into the city centre, a mere half an hour’s work! Get lost on the way back because I took lift A,B,C when of course I should have taken X,Y,Z.

My colleagues tell me they thought I had run away. I smile, dazedly. My mind is still stuck in the steel trap o’D00m. At about 3 o’clock, I recover. The internet? Is blocked. Ahahaha.

I play Su-Doku on the way home. My evil sister with the loud mouth calls. She’s coming home! Tonight! She’ll keep me up all night and I have a long-standing dermatology appointment tomorrow! A chav sits at the back of the bus, smoking weed. I’m choking on it. My hair stinks of exhaled smoke. I should get up and give her a piece of my mind, but my mind has popped from the trauma of the day.

Comments

[jadedscorpion.livejournal.com]

What a horrid day! *hugses*
I hate lifts too. I will go up six flights of stairs before taking the metal death trap.

This might put you off them more, but I can tell you my horror story. One time I was forced to take one, and there was a sadistic man in there. "Elevators are perfectly safe--watch this!" He starts jumping up and down, and the whole thing starts bouncing up and down like crazy. It was like being in a yo-yo. And then with a metallic screech, the car suddenly dropped two feet!

The idiot starts pushing buttons, and it raises again. It stops at the floor, and the doors open about a handwidth before snapping shut again, and the thing drops sharply again, sending us to the floor. And then it dropped again. I hit the emergency door open button till they opened, and we were almost halfway between floors. The car starts going up again--with the doors half open!--and stops about a meter too low. I made the vault of my life through those doors onto the floor. The car almost immediately started moving up again to the next floor, and the idiot, when he got out, called down the stairs to me that he had jumped out when it passed the floor.

And when I got downstairs my mother said I was overreacting and must have imagined the whole thing. She refused to believe me. The next day I had to go back to that place, and the elevator was closed down for repairs.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

I honestly, truly do not know how you didn't pass out from shock or attack him in a murderous rage. I take my hat off to you. [/awe]

Also, aaaaaaaarrrrrrgh. That beats my story by a few leagues. LOL!

[jadedscorpion.livejournal.com]

What possessed him to jump up and down in an elevator I don't know. But now I'm thinking--why didn't I throttle him?

At least I never had to get back into that lift--and you had to take that one again to go back to work after that, that's brave.

[mothergoddamn.livejournal.com]

"I play Su-Doku on the way home"

Is that what you kids are calling it these days?

[rebness.livejournal.com]

Nah, the Scouse kids still call it "launch bricks at the bus."

[tsaress.livejournal.com]

*hug hugs* oh sweetie hope things get better tomorrow damn those evil lifts.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Cat. Today was much better, though the hospital is still ugly. Muhahaha.

[saffronlie.livejournal.com]

I was going to laugh at you for all these neuroses but dude, what a horrid day. (I was also going to be all, "Oh, there's nothing to fear from LIFTS!" but clearly there is.) If I were you I would stay in bed for two days and never go back to that job, but I bet you're totally going back tomorrow.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

Venice and Cardiff are worth the trauma, alas.

[zhonghua2000.livejournal.com]

DO have a better day tomorrow! I shall think of you when I am at *my* archaic hospital. (ooh a couple of stories to tell about that but not now. If you're lucky I'll e-mail you!) :D

[rebness.livejournal.com]

Yes, do! Ease my hospital-induced pain!

[jaffacakequeen.livejournal.com]

Oh dear "hugs" hope you had a lot of wine when you got in. That is a bastard of a day.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

*coughentirebottleofItalianwinecough*

[jaffacakequeen.livejournal.com]

most excellent

[verastar99.livejournal.com]

and waht are your top baby names?


...but wait until we have transporters...i'm sure you'll feel much safer then. And OH, the places you'll go!

But then an evile spider might get into the transporter with you and we all end up with becky-spider-me-do...lol

ok, i'll totally shut up now.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

Oh, you know.

Helen, Estelle, Keira, Georgia, Amelie, Katie, as well as continental names I'm too embarrassed to divulge on LJ.

Am still undecided on my boy names. *strokes chin*

LMAO! Spider-Beck! I could be a nefarious villain, but mostly I'd be screaming in horror and looking for a saw...

[wig-maker.livejournal.com]

I took lift A,B,C when of course I should have taken X,Y,Z.
Isn't that the name of Coldplay's next album?