Mum = RL Troll

[rebness]

I can't wait for my medical on Friday so I can start working for the NHS proper and stuff. Don't get me wrong; sunning myself in the garden or writing slash or watching the DVDs I've never had time for is all well and good, but being around my mum is like being with a particularly naughty teenager.

If it's not the endless questions--

Mum: How long does the earth take to turn around?
Me: Uh... twenty-four hours?
Mum: It must be moving fast.
Me: Well, yeah.
Mum: Why aren't we always getting travel-sick, then?

...It's the pranks. When I was a little girl, mum's favourite pranks were things like hiding under my bed and grabbing my wrist (which totally didn't create any disorders ohmygodmustkeepwristawayfromsideorillgetmyhandbittenoff), or telling me that whenever it thundered, God was angry with me. (Cue one tearful, hysterical night when a particularly loud thunderstorm passed overhead.)

Prank #24235 - Drive My Brother to a Frothing Rage

So, this morning, I get the mail. The others have gone out to work, except lazy college!brother. I hand my mum the mail whilst complaining that my National Express tickets haven't come. She reads a couple of letters. Tidies the room. A letter is there where the the name isn't visible in the little window. She opens it. It's addressed to my younger brother, Adam. He of the College.

Now, Adam is one of the funniest people I know. He's completely like Peter Kay when joking about something, hates Roller Cola... but also, like me, has something of a temper. He has also been attending the gym after he put on a dangerous amount of weight and has in fact lost quite a bit. He's still determined to lose more, though.

The letter is from the local gym. They haven't received this month's payment and, if he would be so kind, could he ring them to let them know if he still wanted to be part of that gym?

And then my mum takes out a pen. W, she writes.

"Mum! What are you doing?" I ask.

Wanker, she writes, if you weren't so fat, you wouldn't be in debt.

And then she seals it up. It's bad, but by this point, I'm doubled over with laughter. She goes into Adam's room and says she's just got the post. She hands it to him and leaves the room.

Silence reigns. Unable to stand it any longer, I go in to see him. He's putting on his coat. "Adam?" I ask. "What was the letter about?"

"I'm going to go round there and kill everyone."

"Why?" I ask, bursting into laughter. He shows me the letter.

"I didn't even read the rest," he says, "I'm just going to go in there with a machete or something."

"No," says my mum, "you can't!"

"Where's the phone, then?"

"Adam," she says, "I wrote it! It was just a joke!"

Adam bursts out laughing. "Well, I agreed with it. But I still feel like chinning them."

"Why?"

"Because it's on their letterhead."

Etc.

Comments

[moon-chylde.livejournal.com]

I think I'm in love with your mum.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

She's slightly eccentric, but I love her. ;)

[wig-maker.livejournal.com]

haha! Cute/Funny/Pocket!Family! :D You're relatives, and you, ROCK!111!19

[rebness.livejournal.com]

We all rox0rs in so many ways OMFG bird-killer avatar!

[saffronlie.livejournal.com]

Your mum sounds nice. Ungrateful wench. :P Oh! I know what you could do to kill some time! You could WRITE AN EMAIL. You've already got two from me to get you started.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

Oh em gee you're totally first, Anna, as I told Kt today. She said she'll expect her mail in a month, so will attempt to get you yours by Friday. Am writing it out in word, because SOME BLOODY JOBS keep me waiting for phone calls all day. :p

[diana-molloy.livejournal.com]

As always I pick on the unimportant stuff.
Call National Express. The other week I got tickets for someone (who is not a member of my household) for a trip that was only a few days away. I called them up to inform them of their error and they said to rip up the tciks. I offered to send back they said there was no need, so I asked if they planned on contacting the person who's ticket it was to tell them what happened and the woman said "No, he'll call himself when he doesn't get it". Considering it was 4 days before the trip date that seems not only wanky but awful customer service. I felt bad because the guy was going from london to Manchester Airport or something so I do hopew he called up. Anyhoo thought you should know.

[rebness.livejournal.com]

Just as I was beginning to panic, Diana... they came through! Huzzah! :D

[pandorasblog]

*rotfl* I thought mine was eccentric! That prank with the letter was genius! :D